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27 Dec 2011

While most of the country takes a well-earned break over the Christmas period, those of us working in the fleet and transport sectors will be hard at work keeping the country moving through snow, ice… and terrible Christmas cracker jokes.

We’ve seen some real crackers over this holiday season and, as we know how hard many of you will continue to be working through the festive season, we thought we’d share the best of the worst with you:

  • What do you call a blind reindeer? No eye deer!
  • What do you call a man with brown paper trousers? Russell
  • What do you call a row of men waiting for a haircut? A barber-queue!
  • What’s furry and minty? A Polo bear
  • What do you call a short-sighted dinosaur? A do-you-think-he-saurus!
  • Why would you invite a mushroom to a dinner party? Because he’s a fungi to be with
  • Why was Santa’s little helper feeling a little bit down? He had low elf-esteem
  • Why should husbands make the tea for their wives? Because the Bible says he brews
  • What is Santa’s favourite pizza? Deep-pan, crisp and even
  • What kind of paper likes music? Wrapping paper

A few celebs have also had a crack (okay, okay – that’s the last one) at some alternative jokes. What do you think?

  • Who is the bane of Santa’s life? The Elf and Safety Officer (Catherine Tate)
  • A French Cat, Un Deux Trois, and an English cat, One Two Three, went for a swimming race round a lake. Who won? One Two Three, because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinque (Jo Brand)
  • What’s the slogan for the Eskimo lottery? You’ve got to be Inuit to win it! (Alastair McGowan)
  • A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre… so the barman gives her one (Meera Syal)
  • How many ears has Captain Kirk got? Three: the left ear, the right ear and the final front ear (Ben Miller)
  • Why has Noddy got a hat with a bell on it? Because he’s a t*** (Ricky Gervais)

Merry Christmas and a very happy New Year!
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